Pushing Daisies

Ned: Candy might be sweet, but it’s a traveling carnival blowing through town. Pie is home. People always come home.

Emerson: Oh no, see, this is how it all ends. Some weird guy comes in saying stuff that don’t make no sense. And by the time your head realizes “Hey, this weird guy makes no sense,” your guts are all over the window.

Emerson: The truth ain’t like puppies, a bunch of them running around, you pick your favorite. One truth… and it has come a knockin’.

Emerson: You ain’t lying. The only way you’re lying is if she asks the question, (in a girl voice like Chuck) “Hey, did you kill my father when you brought your mother back, which I didn’t know about because you never told me?”…. Don’t tell her.

Alfredo: As any non-traditional remedy salesman knows; resistance to the novel and the unconventional is marbled through this country like gristle. If I’m not cutting that gristle, I’m not doing my job.

Olive: It’s from the Pie Hole from across the street, as in “Shut your.” But one sweet whiff and people usually want to “Open their.”

Olive: Can I ask you a question? If you loved me….
Alfredo: Yes?
Olive: And we could never, ever, ever touch. Wouldn’t you eventually get over it and move on letting someone else have the slightest hope that you might move on to them?
Alfredo: If I loved you?
Olive: Yeah.
Alfredo: Then I would love you in any way I could. And if we could not touch, then I would draw strength from your beauty. And if I went blind, then I would fill my soul with the sound of your voice and the contents of your thoughts until the last spark of my love for you lit the shabby darkness of my dying mind.
Olive: Eh, forget it.

Olive: Wouldn’t it just rock and roll if liking someone meant they had to like you back? Of course that’d be a different universe and something else would probably suck.

Olive: There’s no alarm system. Got a credit card?
Chuck: Why? You know how to pick locks?
Olive: No. You’re gonna need to pay for the damages.

Narrator: The expression “Like a rat in a candy store,” though slightly less popular, is equally true.

Emerson: I mean it’s a broad generalization, but my guess is that an attractive man who makes pies for a living shouldn’t even spend a short amount of time in prison.

Emerson: So whoever killed Billy is walking around with nine fingers thinking they got away with murder.
Chuck: Mm-hmmm. Footloose and finger-free.

Ned: Chuck, I killed your father.

For a recap to this episode, check this entry.
For quotes from previous episode check our Quotable Quotes section.

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Olive: This is what it is, isn’t it? …Unless that isn’t a rolling pin under your apron.
Ned: Sorry…[shows rolling pin in the apron]
Olive: Oh, isn’t it great we can joke? Now that we that we know that there’s nothing going on between us and never was. It can be funny. I bet this sort of thing happens all the time between adults. Mixed romantic messages. In no time we’ll be looking back and laugh until we wet the rug. Which we’ll then want to shampoo. Couple times. Possibly three, depending on what we were drinking.

Olive: Look carefully, ladies: this is your future.
Lily: Is it vodka?
Olive: Water.
Lily: As in Russian for vodka?
Olive: As in English. For H20.
Vivian: Lily doesn’t believe in water anymore. She thinks it’s a waste of a perfectly good tumbler.

Chuck [on the stages of grief]: Something, something, something, something, acceptance.

Chuck: Am I the seriously the first person to question your aversion to change? What about your ex-girlfriends?
Ned: I’ve had girlfriends. But there were always extraneous factors…You know, we, um, grew apart and lost interest. Had intimate relations on a bearskin rug …
Chuck: Oh, no. Did it [clawing her hand]?
Ned: It did enough to be upsetting.

Emerson: Death by scratch and sniff. What the hell happened to people shooting each other with guns?

Emerson: And if the sacred cash cow I worship is mooing down on us…

Narrator: Anxious to sniff out more information, our heroes sought out Napoleon LeNez, scratch and sniff author, in his suite above the city and immediately found themselves in an alarming situation.
Napoleon LeNez: Do not be alarmed by the situation.

Emerson: Your book was a bomb.
Napoleon: Who are you to criticize my life’s work?!
Emerson: Your book was a bomb. It exploded.

Olive: [looking at the TV] Look there’s the killer.
[Someone walks inside Pie Hole]
Chuck: Look, there’s the killer.
Olive: Oh, lord.

Chuck: Oh! Then I’ll be polite and say, “Oh, I’m sorry I forgot my purse and I’ve got no pockets”.
Emerson: Uh huh…well, hey somebody see, now I’m gonna need to see some ID on the account that you look just like that dead girl that got herself killed on that tropical cruise.
Ned: I’ll say something like “What is this? A police state?!”…If I ever say that it means I’m having a panic attack.

Chuck: Ned!
Ned: Chuck!
Napoleon: Oscar!
Oscar: Napoleon!
….
Olive: … Hi, Emerson!
Emerson: Hey, Olive.

For a recap to this episode, check this entry.
For quotes from previous episode check our Quotable Quotes section.

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Narrator: Harold Hundin was, indeed, a damn polygamist.

Emerson: No wonder the guy can handle four wives..the dude’s caffinated.

Hundin: My wife did it, she had murder in her eyes and that murder was couture.

Olive: That’s the most tragic story I’ve ever heard, notwithstanding the big-ticket items like genocide and famine, but tragic nonetheless.

Emerson: That girl dropped a bomb in your subconscious with her saliva. (referring to Olive)

Ned: I’m easily distracted; I wouldn’t know where to focus.

Emerson: Some people like chocolate, some people like vanilla, and some people like their neapolitan
Ned: I like neapolitan
Emerson: Then you’d do well as a polygamist.

Emerson: Someone in love is like a gangsta. They be like, ‘Oh baby, you bleeding. How did that happen?’ while they’re hiding the razor in their weave.

Olive: You’re taking money from blind children?
Emerson: I suppose I could pay my bills with blind kids’ smiles, but their money is a lot easier.

Ned (to the dog psychiatrist, and pretending to be Mr. Digby): Ned’s been having strange dreams lately. His paws twitch and he whimpers. It’d be cute if it weren’t so sad. He may be experiencing stress-related anxiety due to, uh, mating issues.
Psychiatrist: You’re deflecting. You’re avoiding a deeper discussion of Ned’s mating issues.
Ned: Can’t you see this is making Ned uncomfortable?
Heather: Mr. Digby, Ned’s merely wrestling with the natural anxieties of an inexperienced stud.
Ned: He’s had experience! Some.

Emerson: Will you prop him up? He looks like a wino on New Years Eve.

Chuck: I love a good although!

Chuck: I know your not blind!
Hallie (One of the wives): Oh, thanks I felt awful doing that.
Chuck: It was humiliating for the both of us.

Olive: I was in shock when I lost my pie, the horse not the food, and one day I was walking along and saw a bakery in the shape of a giant pie, the food not the horse, and it was a sign.
Hillary (one of the wives): Are you suggesting that I’ll find the answers to life and death in a bubblegum machine?”

Ned: Everyone wants stuff, we wake up everyday with a list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true but just because we want them doesn’t mean we need them to be happy
Chuck: What do you need to be happy?
Ned: You.

For a recap to this episode, check this entry.
For quotes from previous episode check our Quotable Quotes section.

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Olive: What’s that song again? Oh yeah: “I scream, you scream, we all scream I faked my own death”

Olive: Ned hates Halloween. Makes him moodier than a pumpkin full of PMS…In fact, when he sees all this, you are gonna be one sorry little zombie. Seriously, you are so…dead.

Emerson: Let’s consider it in escrow…between my thighs.

Olive: Yesterday, a ferrier named Lucas Shoemaker was found dead. Trampled.
Emerson: Why should I care about a dude that sells fur coats?
Olive: Not a furrier, a ferrier. Heir.
Emerson: Fair-rier?
Olive: It’s a blacksmith. Puts shoes on horses.
Emerson: Don’t try to act like that’s a word everybody knows.

Emerson: What did you compete about?
Olive: Promise you won’t laugh?
Emerson: No.
Olive: I used to be a professional horse jockey.
Emerson: Hahahahhahah! Hahahahah!

Emerson: Let me ask the money…(uses his hand as a phone) Hello, Money? Can I still pay the bills and buy stuff even though you were Olive’s money first? Uh-huh….okay, thanks. (Hangs up) The money doesn’t care.

Olive: Maybe John Joseph faked his death, people do that all the time.
Emerson: No, they don’t.
Olive: Yeah, they do. Sometimes they just don’t even try to cover it up, they just show up and ruin you life like nobody is gonna figure it out, but then you figure it out because you are not an idiot! Are you an idiot?
Emerson: No, because an idiot may misuderstand what you are saying and hit you with a shovel.
Olive: (whispering) I think you know.

Ned: I’ll go by the stables, see if the perp left any clues.
Chuck: You mean like protoplasm, or melted crucifixes?
Ned: Yeah. Or, you know, like real clues.

Emerson: There’s a legless skeleton of a horse in John Jacobs tomb, and Olive knows you’re dead.
Chuck: First of all, huh? And secondly, Olive thinks that I faked my death which is completely different to knowing that I’m dead.
Emerson: Yeah, different like purple and mauve.

Vivian: Halloween’s a busy time for us.
Lily: Some of the neighbourhood children started a rumour we were witches….They said we turn little boys into birds.
Ned: That’s…. terrible.
Bird: Sqawwwk. Help me! Help me!They turned me into a bird.
Vivian: Scares the willies out of them.

Vivian: I don’t know how we survived without it. It’s like a sex addiction…I would imagine.

Vivian: No one remembers your father, Ned. What they do talk about is how you turned out to be such a nice, wonderful boy. Man even.

Olive: How did you know I was single?
Mama Jacobs: You wouldn’t need all that bait if you’re belly were full of fish, dear.

Chuck: Sometimes you have to keep a secret, even if it mean hurting someone.
Olive: Exactly!…Dammit.

Chuck: What if his mood changes when his blood sugar drops?
Olive: You mean like a hypoglycemic werewolf?

Olive: Tell Ned I love…his pies.

Emerson: I love you, shovel.

Vivian: Is the clock right? It’s 2 in the AM!
Lily: I’ll get the gun
Vivian: And I’ll get the candy bowl

For a recap to this episode, check this entry.
For quotes from previous episode check our Quotable Quotes section.

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Chuck: We can plant wild flowers on roof tops and be unorthodox urban honey pioneers!

Ned: I don’t do heartbeats.

Ned: She’s probab— probably not in pain but what do I know? I’m not a bird. 

Emerson: What is the reate of exchange in the life of a bird?
Ned: I’m more concerned for that squirrel.

Ned: It’s raining dead birds!

Emerson: Just because there’s vodka in the freezer, don’t mean I have to drink it….wait, it does!

Ned: Statistically, he’s fine. His day can only improve.

Coroner: You and the white boy have some kind of shifty going on? I don’t know what, but you’re shifty.

Aunt Vivian: A bird with gossip, how exciting!

Lily: Why would we go out for pie, when you just brought us one?

Ned: What’s that I smell?
Emerson: I thought it was your cologne
Ned: Who wears cologne?
Emerson: I wear cologne!

Chuck: He didn’t let me fall. It was actually a very affectionate gesture…in context.

Ned: A great big fibber whose hand you were holding, what’s that about?
Chuck: If you must know, I was pretending I was holding your hand.

Emerson: Maybe your finger needs a new battery.

Chuck: If you’re referring about the touching, I see this as an obstacle, not a problem.

Emerson: That one-armed bitch is fast.

For a recap to this episode, check this entry.
For quotes from previous episode check our Quotable Quotes section.

Chuck: Which birthday should I celebrate? I’ve got two of them now. First day I was alive. First day I was alive again?
Ned: The one that requires less explanation.

Olive: Musing an idea of setting someone on fire doesn’t mean you really want to set someone on fire, it’s just the thought of it that makes you happy, but only for a second then you feel bad…but that second can be a lot of fun!

Emerson: That was the Truth Bus
Olive: That wasn’t the Truth Bus. That was the Bitchy Cross Town Express.

Ned: Chuck is private. Part of my private.

Coroner: I can write a book on hand moisturizer. Nobody wants the last thing they touch with to be ashy and dry.

Chuck: You won’t even know I’m here
Emerson: Cause you’re leaving?
Chuck: No…
Ned: C’mon it makes her happy….
Emerson: You remember what that happiness looks like.

Ned: Why are you still talking!
Emerson: I’m ripping off the band-aid!
Ned: I’m not a ripper, I pull up the corner a little a time and then I run it under warm water and then I pull up even more…it’s a process.
Emerson: Let it rip!

Alfredo: You seem decidedly unhappy
Olive: I didn’t “decided” that

Emerson: That was a business associate of mine, who do you think hooked us up with Corpse Bride?

Emerson: Whatever you say, Killer.

Ned: I’m sorry for what I did, it was mostly an accident, but partially on purpose.

Lawrence: Lonely tourist Charlotte Charles, are you part of my welcoming committee?
Chuck: More like a beneficiary in that I am still alive and you’re not.

Ned: It wasn’t personal. I didn’t pick you but it didn’t help that you were in the room.

Chuck: You stole that off my dead body?
Lawrence: Your dead body wasn’t doing anything with it.

Emerson: Anybody dead back there that shouldn’t be?
Ned: No
Emerson: Sweet.

Ned: Lewis Schaltz is a big fat liar. And I say fat in reference to his size as a liar and not as judgment to his physical appearance.

Emerson: I’m not a pirate, I’m just looking for treasure.

Olive: Beaver boy is a pie-maker? Who was Charlotte’s sweetheart…your niece? Lonely tourist Charlotte Charles? Who is dead? Presently?

Chuck: Mind over matter makes Pooh unfatter!
Emerson: I may be stuck, but I can still reach my gun.

Ned: I wanted to be a Jedi.

For a complete recap of the episode, The Fun In The Funeral, check this post.

Pushing Daises delivered another fantastic episode last Wednesday night. And as promised, here’s a rundown of some of the lines and dialogues from it, plus one lovely video clip with Olive, singing “Hopelessly Devoted To You” for Ned:

Chuck: How many people have you brought back to life?
Ned: It’s not like I walk around reviving childhood sweethearts.

Ned: Chuck, you’re the only human being I’ve ever made alive again to stay.
Narrator: He lied.

Olive: There’s a surprising lack of physical contact!

Emerson: I know nothing about her excpet she has soft lips when she was ten.

Chuck: So I really have to sit in the back from now on?
Ned: It’s for your own safety.
Chuck: You sound like my dad.
Ned: If my hand brushes yours, you’d be dead.
Chuck: He didn’t say that.

Chuck: Do you have any request, unfinished business from this life we could help you with?
Emerson: Don’t let her do this!
Bernard the dead: Is this heaven?
Chuck: It could be…
Emerson: No, it’s not.
Bernard the dead: Is that God?
Ned: No, it’s not.
Bernard the dead: Good, because I’m Buddhist!

Emerson: I’m not God but I was, I’d be an angry god.

Emerson: It’s a dead end, and not the kind of dead end you can undead and redead again.

Olive: Who is the funny girl stuck to Ned?
Emerson: Childhood sweetheart…
Olive: Still sweet? His heart?
Emerson: You wan’t the truth
[Olive thinks and nods]
Emerson: He digs her in a way that he definitely does not dig you.

Chuck to Ned: Don’t you have any hidden talents or hobbies, I mean regular ones?

Olive sings Hopelessly Devoted To You

For a complete recap of the episode, Dummy, check this post.

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So, tell me… the show is as delightful as they say it would be, right?

Let’s re-live some of the lines and dialogues from the very first episode of Pushing Daisies and kick off this site’s Quotable Quotes Section. If you have a favorite line yourself, chime in!

Ned: I asked you not to use the word zombie. It’s disrespectful, stumbling around squaking for brains, that’s not how they do. An undead. Nobody wants to be un-anything.
Emerson: Are you comfortable with “living dead”?

Olive: I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food. I don’t think that anymore. (This is my favorite!)

Olive: How was your convention?
Ned: Conventional. How’s Digby?
Olive: Erotic. He’s a very needy dog.

Chuck: Thanks for calling me Chuck. No one has called me Chuck since you.
Ned: When I used to live next door, I had a cr—- you were my first kiss.
Chuck: You were my first kiss too. You want to be my last kiss? Is that weird?
Ned: That’s not weird. That’s magical.

Ned: It’s kind of a random proximity thing.
Emerson: Bitch, I was in proximity!

Olive: Doesn’t she look like that dead girl?
Emerson: She looks exactly like that dead girl.
Olive: You should take that as a compliment, because she was pretty.

Chuck: So I can’t even hug, what if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around
Ned: I’m not a fan of hugs
Chuck: Then you haven’t been hugged properly. It’s like an emotional heimleich.
Ned: That’s fine for someone else to do if I’m choking on other than emotion
Chuck: So a kiss is out of the questions?

Chuck: Three way split? 30-30-40? It’s only fair I get more, I did die for it.

Ned: You’re supposed to be dead. This is pushing your luck.
Chuck: Yeah, well, luck pushed me first.

Do you have a favorite Pushing Daisies quote?

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