Pushing Daisies

[ACADEMY SCIENCE LAB: a portrait of the stern founder with a snarling German Shepherd hangs over the blackboard where the students are lined up against; the subject of the day is "Flight"]

Narrator: The motto of the Longborough School for Boys was “Institutem Superior Omnibus” or “Tradition Over All”. But on this morning, whether it was the topic of flight or the brandy in the teacher’s parlor, Mr. Galt threw tradition to the wind and let the students choose their own lab partners. [the science instructor nods and all the boys immediately run to their tables with their partners, leaving Ned and an Indian boy in orthodontic headgear standing alone] Young Ned, however, found his chosen for him. Eugene Mulchandani was an exchange student from Gorakhpur, India. Young Ned felt a gnawing pity growing in his stomach, as was tradition. But beneath Eugene’s headgear thrived an active imagination and a useful gift for aeronautical model building, as well as the hope that someone might not dislike him for the simple fact that he was different. [Eugene tears several pages from a composition notebook and folds it into an elaborate paper airplane, then inflates a balloon with gas and ties it to the airplane. Ned smiles admiringly as they watch it float in the air, then notices a classmate sitting in front of them getting ready to shoot down the balloon with a spitball] Young Ned found himself breaking with his own tradition and in a moment of passion … [Ned throws a book and nails the bully in the head] … he fought back. For the first time since his father dropped him off, Young Ned made a friend. [outside during recess, the boys run through the trees; Eugene jumps and lands on a pile of leaves, then lets Ned have a turn] In a surge of emotion, he forgot his mother had died, his father had left him, and that he missed a girl named Chuck. He also forgot he was jumping into a pile of dead leaves that were once alive. [Ned jumps on the pile and as he swims through the leaves, the brown ones turn green; he fearfully looks up at a shocked Eugene, who runs away] Eugene Mulchandani fled in a flurry of saliva and fear. Eugene would eventually forget Young Ned’s mistake and chalk it up to magic leaves. But Young Ned would never forget that happiness borne of passion is always short-lived. [the classmate that Ned nailed with a book approaches and warms up his fist]

[THE PIE HOLE KITCHEN: Ned is sitting at the table waiting for the toaster to pop up; Chuck enters happily and sits next to him]

Narrator: Yet, through no fault of his own, he had once again stumbled into happiness …

Chuck: Good morning!

Narrator: … which terrified him.

Ned: Morning. [muffins pop up and he places a plate in front of Chuck; she starts cutting strawberries for their breakfast]

Chuck: Guess what day it is today?

Ned: [smiling] World Hello Day.

Chuck: Oh, you finally put up my calendar of Obscure of Holidays!

Ned: Yes, and “hola”! That’s Español-a.

Chuck: “Merhaba”, “selamat pagi”, “o-si-yo”! That’s Turkish, Indonesian and Cherokee, although the Indonesians really says “Good Day” which I think is much better than “Hello”, because what does that say? That says “I’m here, your turn to talk”! Kinda selfish. [Ned chuckles and smiles] What?

Ned: [fondly] Nothing.

Narrator: The Pie Maker wished to express to Chuck exactly how intense his feelings were for her.

Ned: [suddenly] Am I your boyfriend? [behind the counter, Olive’s head pops up in shock] I realize that boyfriend-girlfriend are familiar, trite labels – if convention were soaked in boyfriend would be dripping with it – but we’ve never actually said it. And not that we need to define the relationship, but it might be helpful in a familiar, trite way – the way on a holiday created to sell greeting cards – it’s still nice to get a card … and are you going to cut me off with a “Yes” anytime soon?

Chuck: [bemusedly] Yes. [behind the counter, Olive lets out a breath. So does a relieved Ned, who proceeds to put jam on Chuck’s muffin]

Ned: You never said what today is.

Chuck: Thank you. Today is my daddy’s birthday. You know he would’ve been sixty today if he were still alive?

Narrator: The mention of Chuck’s father sent The Pie Maker’s thoughts spinning. [Ned’s face falls and he drops the jam jar on the table]

Chuck: What’s wrong?

Ned: Nothin’.

Narrator: The meaning of “Nothin’ ” was “I never told you that I inadvertently killed your father”. [THE PIE HOLE DINING ROOM: Ned approaches Olive as she sits at the counter, spinning on a stool] Olive Snook had told The Pie Maker that she was happy for his happiness with the girl named Chuck. But upon hearing the word “boyfriend”, she unexpectedly found her sadness spinning into anger. It was a truth she could not yet stare in the face.

Ned: Olive?

Olive: [stops spinning, then woozily] Huh?

Ned: Where are all the customers?

Olive: You got me.

Alfredo Aldarisio: I’m a customer. [they turn to see Alfredo sitting at a booth]

Narrator: Her dizzy heart missed another truth staring her in the face.

Olive: Alfredo. [Emerson enters and sits at another booth; Ned goes to sit with him] Alfredo, when did you come in?

Alfredo Aldarisio: Before. When you opened the door for me and I asked how you were and you said you were fine. Then I asked for a macchiato and you said coming right up.

Olive: So I guess you’ll still want that.

Alfredo Aldarisio: Yes, please. [Olive gets up, stumbling all the way; we hear crashing noises. Ned joins Emerson at a booth, who is reading a newspaper]

Emerson: This case is easy money.

Ned: You told me that already. [guiltily] It’s my fault Chuck’s father’s dead.

Emerson: You told me that already.

Ned: I should just tell her.

Emerson: Well, now that idea might make a stupid idea for you all by itself.

Ned: I can’t keep lying to her.

Emerson: You ain’t lying. The only way you lying is if she asks the question: [in falsetto] “Hey, did you kill my father when you brought your mother back which I didn’t know about because you never told me?” Don’t tell her. [a strange, chipper little man walks inside and announces to no one in particular]

Some Guy: Hey, have you guys heard? The most amazing new candy store is opening up across the street! It’s amazing!

Ned: Who are you?

Some Guy: I’m just some guy telling everybody about ‘cause it’s so amazing! Seriously, everybody, you’ve gotta check this out!

Olive: Do you work for the candy store?

Some Guy: No, I’m just some guy.

Olive: “Some guy”?

Some Guy: Yeah, some guy who sure loves candy! Be sure to tell everyone you know! See ya! [walks out the door]

Emerson: Now see, this how it all ends: some weird guy comes in saying stuff that don’t make no sense, and by the time your head realizes, “Hey, this weird guy don’t make no sense”, your guts are all over the window! [Chuck places a plate with Ned’s muffin on the table]

Chuck: Here. [to Emerson] Did Ned tell you he’s my boyfriend?

Emerson: Heh-heh, yeah, you two are gonna love this case …

Follow the complete transcript found at this wiki-fan site, here

Pushing Daisies, Pushing Daisies Bittersweets transcript