Pushing Daisies

[ACADEMY PLAYING FIELD: Boys are playing kickball together while Ned is off to the distance, bouncing an orange ball off a tree]

Narrator: At this very moment, at town of Northrush, young Ned was lonely. Unable to make friends at the Longborough School for Boys, he often found himself playing alone, with nothing but memories of happier times to keep his company. What young Ned did not realize was that beyond the meadow under the same orange sky, someone he loved was remembering him. [Ned misses the tree and it bounces away deeper into a field. NED’S OLD HOME: There is a "For Sale" sign out front and the house appears abandoned … except for Digby lying patiently on the front porch]

Narrator: His dog, Digby. In fact, three days prior, Digby had made a decision: wearied by his own loneliness back in Coeur d’Coeurs and sensing his master’s sorrow, Digby set out on a mission. [Digby perks up, runs off the porch and down the street] Uncertain as to his exact destination, he ventured into the great unknown and guided only by the compass of his heart. [Digby trots through the town when he looks up and sees an apartment on fire. He goes to a fire box and pulls the lever down; a fire truck soon arrives and he continues his journey] Despite numerous distractions, Digby was determined to find young Ned – the boy who had given him a second chance at life. And who was his best friend. [ACADEMY FIELD: Ned looks around for his orange ball and sees Digby running toward him, holding the ball in his mouth; Ned grins and runs toward him] Upon doing so, Digby proved that love can overcome any obstacle. The reunion was bittersweet, however, as they instantly remembered the restrictions of their friendship: they could not touch or Digby would die. [both stop and stare happily at one another; Digby drops the ball in for his master. Ned picks up a stick and pets Digby with it, then throws the ball in the air] Still, it was enough. That day, Digby vowed he would never allow himself to separated from his master. [THE PIE HOLE: Digby catches an orange ball in his mouth, while his master looks off into the kitchen and smiles upon seeing Chuck]

Narrator: The Pie Maker did not wish to be separated from Chuck, who, in turn, did not wish to separated from her aunts, Lily and Vivian, who continued to be challenged by social phobias. Unbeknownst to The Pie Maker, Chuck secretly baked homeopathic mood-enhancers into pies for her aunts, hoping that a slice a day would herbally lift their spirits. [Chuck places the pie into the oven just as Ned comes in; there are welts on his face and he tries to cover them with a hand]

Ned: Oh, you’re up early.

Chuck: Oh, I couldn’t sleep.

Ned: Lumpy mattress?

Chuck: Lumpy dreams. Which are a lot more vivid now than before I died, isn’t that interesting? Just one of those little things – [notices his face] What are those?

Ned: Oh, I, uh, got bit.

Chuck: Those are bee stings! How did you get stung by so many bees, and what happened to the bees that stung you? That’s a suicide attack.

Ned: Not in this case: they sort of stung me, died, then they flew away again, and some other bees died.

Chuck: [dips her finger in a honey jar and tastes it] Do you think their honey tastes different ‘cause they died? Wouldn’t that be interesting? Just one of those little things …

Ned: I wanna show you something. [ROOFTOP: Ned leads Chuck up the stairs to the buzzing of bees; there are a dozen hive-shaped apiaries]

Chuck: Bees!

Ned: Your bees.

Chuck: My bees? You mean – ?

Ned: No, not those bees: new bees. Technically, still your bees; not the bees that you knew. [ducks from a few stray bees] But I’m sure they’re equally nice!

Chuck: You do realize that beekeeping within the city limits is completely illegal?

Ned: Yes. And I’m almost sure I don’t care.

Chuck: I can not care for the both of us! We can plant wild flowers on rooftops and be unorthodox, urban honey pioneers! Thank you, thank you, thank you: if I could hug you right now, I know that I can’t, but just know that I want to.

Ned: I do.

Narrator: As Chuck considered her future as an unorthodox, urban honey pioneer … [THE PIE HOLE: Olive is struggling with the locked door] … Olive Snook considered how the man she loved seemed to be in love with someone else. Her affection for The Pie Maker had not wavered, despite the romantic threat of a dead girl who wasn’t dead. [Digby unlocks the door with his paw; Olive opens the door and smiles]

Olive: I didn’t know you could do that.

Narrator: On the contrary, Olive’s resolve had only increased since the realization that Chuck indeed was supposed to be dead. [Ned and Chuck enter through the back door; Olive smiles smugly to herself]

Chuck: [waving at Olive] Good morning!

Narrator: Olive had assumed that Chuck faked her own death: she would keep the secret for now. As Chuck kept her secret from The Pie Maker.

Ned: There’s a pie in my oven. [takes it out]

Chuck: [lying] Oh, that’s mine: I was practicing.

Ned: [sniffing] Smells like cheese. Is it quiche?

Chuck: I baked monastery gouda into the crust with tart apple filling. I thought I’d try it.

Olive: [brightly] You know what’d be delicious? Pear with gruyère crust! Bet that’d be real good.

Chuck: [innocently] Yeah, it would.

Narrator: Unbeknownst to Chuck, Olive understood the deliciousness of pear and gruyère … [Chuck gives the pie box for the aunts to the Deliveryboy]

Chuck: Thank you! [Olive secretly takes the piebox]

Narrator: … Because she delivered that first mood-enhancing pie to Aunts Lily and Vivian. As she would deliver this one. [Bam! followed by a squawk!] But not before a collision occurred. [OUTSIDE THE PIE HOLE: Olive rushes outside to see that a pigeon has collided with a window, followed by Ned]

Olive: [holds the bird] Oh, I think she’s dead! Can you feel a heartbeat?

Ned: [cringing] I don’t … do heartbeats!

Olive: They feel like this – come here! [grabs Ned’s hand (to his horror) and places it on her chest imitating a heartbeat] Pump, pump … pump, pump …pump, pump. [Emerson and Chuck come out; Ned quickly takes his hand away guiltily]

Emerson: Is that a dead bird? Why you touching a dead bird? Throw that thing away! It’s swimming with disease and you serve food!

Olive: [shows the bird to Emerson] Don’t be such a drama queen! Besides, it doesn’t look diseased.

Emerson: It’s dead and it’s diseased and it’s a bird. [Emerson inadvertently shoves the bird into Ned and it comes alive again]

Olive: Ahh! It’s a miracle bird! It’s swimming in miracles, not disease!

Ned: Maybe I should hold it –

Chuck: [stopping him] No, really, do you have to? She’s obviously been through a lot and she seems really happy to be here.

Narrator: Having brought a dead thing back to life, The Pie Maker fretted over who or what would pay for that life – with its own. [Ned spots a squirrel on the sidewalk while Emerson checks his watch; the two women fuss over the bird; oblivious to all, Digby is watching them through the window]

Chuck: I wonder how she lost her wing?

Olive: She doesn’t seem to be in any pain.

Ned: It’s probably not in any pain, but what do I know? I’m not a bird.

Chuck: Pigeon.

Ned: Pigeon! I was pigeon-toed as a child, but orthopedic shoes solved that.

Emerson: [takes Ned aside] What is the rate of exchange on the life of a bird? ‘Cause if it’s equal to or greater than mine, I need to get back to my car.

Ned: [pointing] I’m more concerned for that squirrel. [stares at his watch and tries to shoo it away]

Olive: [to the pigeon] Don’t you worry: I know just what to do with you. I recently made the acquaintance of a pair of bird lovers: I’ll consult them.

Narrator: Olive was referring to Aunts Lily and Vivian.

Chuck: Really? I used to know a pair of bird lovers!

Narrator: Chuck also referred to Aunts Lily and Vivian.

Olive: Used to? Did they die?

Chuck: Death was involved.

Olive: How unfortunate.

Narrator: They were both so busy referring and inferring, they failed to notice that 60 seconds had passed. The Pie Maker could not afford such a luxury. [a crow falls to the ground dead]

Ned: It’s raining dead birds! [overhead, a plane buzzes loudly; they all look up]

Olive: What’s going on up there? [a plane crashes into an apartment building].

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Pushing Daisies, Pushing Daisies Pigeons transcript